So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
