I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Someone signed my nipple.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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