I wannas sexs uuuuu
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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