Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
