Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
