one two three fourrrrnication!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize