so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
