we're blogging at a bar
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
