You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
