Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
