In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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