Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
