my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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