drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
