I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
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The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
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I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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