listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
