so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
