He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
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i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
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If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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