It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
