do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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