I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
