My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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