They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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