I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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