Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
