at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
