so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
