I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
