I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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