I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
