if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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