Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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