My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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