so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
