he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
