So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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