I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
