i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
