Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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