names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
