I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
