marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
