plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
