I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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