I need help removing her.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
