watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
