At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
