So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
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Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
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I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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