I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
