Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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