I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
