Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
