I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
