It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
