I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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