how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
