It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you traded sex for a burrito?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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