I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Too much gin, very little bucket
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
