We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
