I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
