I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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