Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
