Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
