I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
