Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So. Much. Porn.
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