First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They took my balls.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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