May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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