hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
