I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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