Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
