I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
