So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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